Here I Hold Sin

Here i hold sin in my hands

Proof that i am a woman

Proof of the pain inflicted on me

That i silently bare

Proof that i labour but

Not one not two or even three soles care

Or share my burdens

Here I sit alone

As is my nature

Bearing the brunt of others behaviour

Here I sit

Woman

Bleeder

Child conceiver

Everyone's redeemer

But my own

Here i sit

And repeatedly postpone my care

For yours

i

rush

i

open

i

pull the string

i

slip in quickly

They must not notice how long it's been

They must know i am clean

i

am perfect

i

am woman

Supporter of many

Supported by few

i

am woman

Bleeder

Reader

Child conceiver

Still dream believer

Daydreamer

Night creeper

His redeemer

Demure demeanour

Always the retrieve

Never the retrieved

Always the believer

But never the believed

Always the shoulder that supports

Not the thread the cries

Always the one who answers the questions

But never allowed to question and ask why

Why am i a woman

In the sense that is a burden?

Why is my womanhood

Your stoep to lounge on

Your convenience to always count on

My body you always rest on

My limits you always press on

My character in your rom-com

Why am i a woman

In the sense that it is my burden?

Bleeder

Reader

Child conceiver

Everyone's redeemer

But never her own.

-Tolana

Here i Hold Sin